Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
