why didn't you poke me back
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
