Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
