shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
