I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize