Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
