I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
