Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I still have a little drunk in my system
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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