Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you win again, gameday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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