is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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