My room smells like vodka and shame
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
