What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
