We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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