I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
