haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
