oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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