Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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