? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
