2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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