I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
