i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
