I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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