I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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