talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
