u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize