can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
cat food counts as protein by the way
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
