please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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