Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
