are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
