he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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