ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
