My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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