I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
