My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize