he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
