chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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