I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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