I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
