well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
