the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
