I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This is classic penis vs brain.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
