it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
