Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nutella sex= disaster
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
