So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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