yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
