dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize