He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
