I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
