I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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