When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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