You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
