make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
