Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
