party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize