That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
