i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
