Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
