If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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