I don't think brook has ever known best
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
