so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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