if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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