I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think your dad took our porno
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
