the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
