i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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