Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
