We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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