guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
