I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
