so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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