I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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