Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
